I have to admit that I have an alter ego. And no, she ain't no Sasha Fierce. Or Marilyn Manson. But, my alter ego keeps me 'safe' but drives other people insane at the same time. I don't give a damn, fortunately.
She is 'The Clean Freak'.
You see, I cannot help switching to my alter ego most of the time. (Yikes! Has alter ego taken over completely?) Alter ego helps me to be safe as I might fall sick every other day since I cannot take any supplements or vitamins or any concoctions and am allergic to any other medications too!
So here are my 'clean-freak' methods which my alter-ego has helped me device in order to keep me safe:
1. Beware of the 'Cough Cloud'
According to my alter-ego's theory, the moment someone coughs, a 'cloud-cough' will form. It is a cloud filled with germs and virus and sputum from the 'cough-ee'. So the moment someone coughs, my legs will automatically detour my walk. Alter ego will cause my legs to walk to different aisles to look at things that are unnecessary to look at. It will lead me to walk in bigger circles to reach the department store that I was heading to. And if I cannot avoid the 'cough-cloud' in time, alter-ego will give me super-powers to hold my breath and perform an Olympic-worthy of breath-holding-competition until I have steered clear of the 'cough-cloud'.
2. The Wipe-Down
Everything new that is brought into the house will be wiped clean and if it can be washed, it will be hosed down. Be it the container that the bean curd is packed in or the new container that will be used for compost. It. Will. Be. Cleaned. Even the vegetables that is packed in plastic bags. Even the toilet roll bag. Even the beans that are packed in the sealed bag. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G!
Alter ego is very concerned about leptospirosis which at the moment has reached an alarming level in Malaysia. Click on LINK to read more. Alter ego wants you to know that we have rats the size of cats over here!
3. Wash Thy Feet
The moment anyone steps out of the house, alter ego will make sure that the person washes his/her feet. And it cannot be a slip shod wash. It must be a thorough wash under running water. Even though if the feet stepped out of the house for 1 minute, it must be washed. For all you know, the stray cat could have walked on the same path and as the feet walks (yes, even with slippers), the 'germs' or 'virus' could waft up from the ground and land on the feet. And then the 'germs' and 'virus' are brought into the house!!! Eeewww! So wash thy feet!
4. No Sitting Please!
When you come home from an outing or gardening, alter ego will MAKE SURE that you change your clothes before you can even place 1/168 of your bum on the chair or even the floor. And for God's sake, go take a bathe. For all you know, you could have thousands of cough clouds attached to your clothing!
5. Wash the Throne!
Alter ego washes the throne after every 'poo business'. The throne is pristine and shiny after each and every session.
6. Only PJs in Bed!
No home clothes whatsoever. Alter ego said that you might have a crumb stuck to your T-shirt left over from supper. And there is NO WAY alter ego will let you go to bed in a crumb-stuck-on-shirt! And please wash your feet before you climb into bed. Yes, it is COMPULSORY!
7. Eating ONLY at the Dining Table
And nowhere else. Not at the sofa. Definitely NOT in bed! Alter ego HATES ants and cockroaches and lizards and rats and every other crawling thing that do not belong in the house.
8. The Wet Ones Dispensary
You need a wet ones? Alter ego has hundreds. Maybe even thousands. Or tens of thousands. The trolley handle bar gets wiped before it is used. Little one's hands get wiped upon hopping on the car after an outing at the mall. Alter ego wipes her hands after handling the petrol pump, paying money, touching toilet doors... etc.
9. No Sitting to Pee!
Alter ego will never, ever, EVER let her bum touch a millimeter of those public toilet bowls. Alter ego will either find a squatting toilet or do the hover-while-standing-on-floor-manuever over a sitting toilet to pee. She will say, 'Over my dead body' if you ever suggest to her to sit on those bowls.
10. No Recycling of Clothes
Never! All clothes will be worn only ONCE and then it will be thrown into the washing machine to be washed. No dirty clothes will be hung behind the room door. Nothing is recycled. Not even if it was worn for 5 minutes outside of the house. Not even the jacket. You might never know, your clothing could have 'cough clouds' glued to it!
How can you say no to Little Miss Clean Freak?
